Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
