So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize