So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
