I want to make a zoo with you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
