I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
