His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
