i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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