More tranny stories later!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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