ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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