Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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