she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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