No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
