i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize