before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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