I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize