If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
