This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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