He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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