This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i believe in u and ur pee
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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