Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
