Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize