the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
