Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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