Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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