I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
