I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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