Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
