it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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