I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
