Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
