just tell him i said nine months
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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