guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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