They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
