what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
