Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
