she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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