My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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