his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
