I hate your face
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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