You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
