apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
