you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
