the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
