my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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