Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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