I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
not ubering you a puppy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
