New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
pop tarts are not kleenex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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