Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
