why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
