I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
