I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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