sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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