he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
