Can i not drive my cunt home
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
