idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
