guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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