theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
