i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
