True but thats because hes a fetus.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
