You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
