ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
