So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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