His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
