I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
