im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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