Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
