maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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