Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
