the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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