Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
