are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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