Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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