smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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