the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
