Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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