the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
