Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
