Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
