oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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