I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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