Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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