It's Friday. Sex?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
