i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
