Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
