take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
