she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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