I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Two words: blizzard sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
