Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize