We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
