His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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