He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
