No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
