why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
