she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
