i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
