I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
