I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
