Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize