Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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