Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
