Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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