i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
