I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize