I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
