My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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