a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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