Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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